ir ten jis lauks...

dreams

2008-06-26T14:59:00.002-04:00

they are a funny thing, you know?

its been awhile since i've experienced lucid dreams, but as of the last couple weeks I have been flooded with them. most time i have to "yell" at myself to wake up, or keep "telling" myself, "its only a dream" at the times where the yelling doesn't truly wake me. the dreams aren't frightening, but they are unfair. unfair? yes. unfair for the fact that though things that are happening in the dream are positive but unrealistic. they feel so real, that i don't want to wake from it b/c that person will be gone again. just to hear his voice again, or get a hug, just to have him alive again. my mother says its because he's trying to tell me something; i had similar dreams when my father passed away & after i wished them away i didn't get them again - until now, though the main character has changed. more than not, i wake up crying in disbelief that what i was dreaming was not really true.

sigh... we'll see what happens tonight...

daily motions

2008-06-13T11:15:00.002-04:00

everyday i start the day the same way: wake up, lie in bed for another 20 minutes, get ready, deal with LIE traffic, get my special K w/ strawberries, and settle into my desk to plug away. before the official start of my work process, i read a couple blogs to get me going on my way, one of which is whattheduck.net.

as of recently i have added the blog "forpaul.wordpress.com" to my morning ritual. this blog is dedicated to the progress of one of my past Hallmark instructor's recovery and recuperation after an accident last week. everyday when i read the updates, supportive comments, or memories; i say a little prayer for paul and his wife Kat, as well as all those who are supporting him. this blog also gives me the strength to get through my own day, with all that is going on in my day to day life - there is someone out there struggling just to continue with it. it makes me overwhelmed with joy to see the outpouring love and support one person can have aruond them. it is the little acts of kindness such as this that help me know there are greater things in life than the petty everyday motions and bring a much needed smile to my face, sigh of relief, or cry to release the emotions.

paul, my heartfelt prayers are with you everyday hoping for a full recovery!

More stupidity...

2008-05-20T11:54:00.001-04:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080518/ap_on_fe_st/odd_altered_yearbook

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/05/19/altered.yearbook.photos.wfaa

sigh...

Rainy day thoughts...

2008-05-16T14:18:00.002-04:00

I've hit a creative road-block. Not only in my writing, but my photography as well. I'm still passionate for each, but am exhausted. Perhaps because it is what I do for 40 hours a week - in a sense. I write & read about photography and its going ons. Though, most of what I write is technical and not prose, it is still writing and takes the same time, effort, thought and care that I put to my prose.

Though I am not shooting, I am researching and viewing photos all day -- and sad to say, I have yet to find something that reignites that urge to go out and create images for myself. I will go through little spurts after lectures or seminars - but it is never anything long lasting. I know that I haven't lost the passion for the subject, since every day at work is a full day of photographic knowledge waiting to be taken in, but creatively I have lost my mojo.

My creative writing has taken the back burner for at least a couple years now. I think it has largely to do with the loss of my father. My last recollection of writing was an account of the day of his passing. It was for a creative writing class I was taking at school. I remember it, because the professor had asked me what I was doing there. It had been my first creative writing class since high school, and at first he had questioned if the work was really mine, and after he got to know my writing style and from my bringing in past work - he apologized for what he had said.

If you told me to write today... I don't think it would fly. There is one event that occurred recently that I should account for and reenact. I don't believe I would ever publish it on the blogosphere, for the wound goes far too deep. I believe that my fear is what's holding me back. Hell, I just need to let go and jump.

We shall see.

my brain is burning

2008-05-14T15:36:00.002-04:00

definite overload is happening right now. the spinning wheel of death is happening in my head. sigh... time for safe sleep.

Dial Tone

2008-04-15T11:37:00.002-04:00

I went to call you the other night, and as I frantically scrolled to your number as I have done countless nights; I realized you wouldn't pick up. Its the first time that I've done that since you passed. I can't bring myself to delete your name from my contact list, and don't believe I ever will. I know I can still turn to you, and talk to you when I need you the most... but I miss hearing your voice. I know you'll always be there for me, but somedays are harder than others.

HELP!

2008-04-11T08:12:00.001-04:00

is it really that serious?

2008-04-08T10:54:00.002-04:00

America needs to realize it's not an only child...

Stop alcohol abuse, and just give me your Absolut instead of pouring it down the sink.

Courtesy of Reuters:

Absolut vodka pulls ad showing California in Mexico

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - The distillers of Sweden's Absolut vodka have withdrawn an advertisement run in Mexico that angered many U.S. citizens by idealizing an early 19th century map showing chunks of the United States as Mexican.

The billboard ad has the slogan "In an Absolut World" slapped over a pre-1848 map showing California, Arizona and other U.S. states as Mexican territory. Those states were carved out of what had been Mexican lands until that year.

Although it was not shown in the United States, U.S. media outlets picked up on the ad, and after a barrage of complaints, Absolut's maker said on Sunday the ad campaign would cease.

Defending the campaign last week, Absolut maker Vin & Spirit said the ad was created "with a Mexican sensibility" and was not meant for the U.S. market.

"In no way was this meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues," a spokeswoman wrote on Absolut's Web site.

"Instead, it hearkens to a time which the population of Mexico may feel was more ideal," she wrote.

Absolut's blog cite has received more than a thousand comments since the ad campaign was launched a few weeks ago, with many calling for boycotts of the Swedish company.

"I have poured the remainder of my Absolut bottles down the sink," one blogger wrote.

A war between Mexico and the United States from 1846 to 1848 started with Mexico's refusal to recognize the U.S. annexation of Texas and ended with the occupation of Mexico City by U.S. troops.

At the end, Mexico ceded nearly half of its territory to the United States, forming the states of California, Nevada, Utah and parts of Colorado, Arizona, New Mexico and Wyoming.

Mexicans remain sensitive about the loss and the location of the border. At the same time, the United States is fortifying barriers to keep out undocumented Mexican migrants.

Some Mexicans use the term "Reconquista" (reconquest) to refer to the growing presence in California of Mexican migrants and their descendants.

France's Pernod Ricard is taking over Absolut vodka, one of the world's top-selling spirit brands, after buying Vin & Spirit from the Swedish government at the end of March.

(Reporting by Noel Randewich, editing by Philip Barbara)

sigh...

2008-04-07T09:38:00.002-04:00

Chalk it up to stubbornness...

I don't think that I will ever get used to certain things. I'll grow stronger from each situation, and I will never lose heart or the will to carry on. It gets to me, some days harder than others... but with everything it takes time, and in a sense, I guess I could say that time is all that I really have.

This has been a difficult year for me... So much loss and pain... Though, at the same time this year has been so fulfilling. It puzzles me how life always balances out through extremes. At least in my life it appears that way. I'll just take it how it comes to me good, bad, ugly... make the best of it all.

Nothing else to do, but pick myself up, dust off and keep on riding...

I love you, Uncle Peppie... and I miss you like you wouldn't believe.

"Me And A Gun"

2008-04-02T14:19:00.001-04:00

-Tori Amos

5am
Friday morning
Thursday night
Far from sleep
I'm still up and driving
Can't go home
obviously
So I'll just change direction
Cause they'll soon konw where I live
And I wanna live

Got a full tank and some chips
It was me and a gun
And a man on my back
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants
You can laugh
It's kind of funny things you think
at times like these
Like I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread
For you, your friends your father, Mr. Ed

Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread
For you, your friends your father, Mr. Ed
And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back
Used to hang and he said
"It's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time
So you choose well"
Tell me what's right
Is it my right to be on my stomach
of Fred's Seville

Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through you head
When there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach
It's not a classic cadillac

Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

quarterly review

2008-04-01T10:21:00.002-04:00

just revisiting my resolutions for this year to see how i'm doing...

-spend less... SAVE SAVE SAVE

-pay off debts

-drink less

-work less, relax more

-go out and shoot every wknd for myself

lets see...

I am spending less, but not saving... debts are slowly being repaid, but with my Hallmark loans now in repayment, I'm still floating but partially it is a dead man's float.

Drink less - yes! - this is one thing that I'm proud of myself for. I will have a night cap now and then, but I have significantly cut down. Woo-hoo!

Work less, relax more?! HA! What was I thinking??

And shame on me for the last one... I have not been shooting for myself... slap me on the wrist... I'm upset at myself for this one.

Overall, I think I would give myself a C at best...

quack!

2008-03-19T09:00:00.002-04:00

if i had a quarter for everytime i heard this...

Spitzer scadal taps into the photography world as well...

2008-03-13T15:54:00.002-04:00

Discussion regarding copyright and ownership rights arise as newspapers grab pictures off "Kristen's" myspace.

In an article published today by Daryl Lang from pdnonline.com:

"When a prostitute hired by former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was identified Wednesday, news outlets eagerly published photos grabbed from her MySpace profile.

Can they get away with that?

Three attorneys who specialize in copyright law say media organizations are sailing in dangerous waters if they publish a personal snapshot without permission."

Maybe i shouldn't get it...

2008-03-11T10:16:00.000-04:00

We all know how easily I lose stuff...

Song for Dad

2008-03-04T09:15:00.001-05:00

-Keith Urban (http://youtube.com/watch?v=2rVlH0MQgFk)

Lately I've been noticing
I say the same things he used to say
And I even find myself acting the very same way
I tap my fingers on the table
To the rhythm in my soul
And I jingle the car keys
When I'm ready to go
When I look in the mirror
He's right there in my eyes
Starin' back at me and I realize

The older I get
The more I can see
How much he loved my mother and my brother and me
And he did the best that he could
And I only hope when I have my own family
That everyday I see
A little more of my father in me

There were times I thought he was bein'
Just a little bit hard on me
But now I understand he was makin' me
Become the man he knew that I could be
In everything he ever did
He always did with love
And I'm proud today to say I'm his son
When somebody says I hope I get to meet your dad
I just smile and say you already have

The older I get
The more I can see
How much he loved my mother and my brother and me
And he did the best that he could
And I only hope when I have my own family
That everyday I see
A little more of my father in me

He's in my eyes
My heart, my soul
My hands, my pride
And when I feel alone

And I think I can't go on
I hear him sayin' "Son you'll be alright"
Everything's gonna be alright"
Yes it is

The older I get
The more I can see
That he loved my mother and my brother and me
And he did the best that he could
And I only hope when I have my own family
That everyday I see
Oh I hope I see
I hope everyday I see
A little more of my father in me

A little more of my father in me
I hope everyday I see in me
In me
In me
I hope everyday I see

A little more of my father in me

i love my profession... :-)

2008-02-15T08:58:00.002-05:00

bandwagon

2008-02-14T16:21:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna get me a pet lemming... who's with me!

Troubles in the Homeland

2008-02-14T11:32:00.000-05:00

Arroyo Target of Plot

Congrats Snoopy, Lucky I, Freddie, and especially UNO!

2008-02-13T13:16:00.004-05:00

"Start dancin', Snoopy. You're out of the Westminster doghouse."

... comfortably ... comfortable??

2008-02-12T11:22:00.000-05:00

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

--Pink Floyd

How quickly...

2008-02-07T10:09:00.000-05:00

life passes in this world.

As the days go by, I've been fighting an inner battle with trying to comprehend loss, death and why it affects the people that it does. For myself, it is sad, but for as long as I can remember not a year in my life has passed where I haven't been to at least one funeral a year and as the years go on that number only increases. It makes me wonder if it is something to do with the number of people that are in my life, their backgrounds, or simply the luck (or bad luck) of the draw.

When people tell me they have never been to a funeral, or never had a death of a loved one, I am unsure of how to react. Are they lucky to have never known the pain of loss, or are they unfortunate?

I understand first hand the loss of a parent, but the loss of your own child I cannot even begin to fathom. I do not wish either on anyone.

It is a "process" that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. But the uncertainty, the wondering, and the dreaming of what would have been will plague me for years to come. The things, people and places, yet to be visited, met or done will never be accomplished on this realm.

February has always brought this cycle forth into my life... how fitting that I find out on Ash Wed., and the eve of Chinese New Year.

My thoughts, prayers and love go out to your family, Vytai. Have a shot or two w/ my dad up there.

it's a start...

2008-02-05T11:24:00.000-05:00

For the first time in 7 years, I am not numb in the month of February. I am light hearted and have a feeling this month will bring new beginnings and keep me on the right track.

This past year has been very trying emotionally and mentally... not that the past 7 years has been a breeze, but I believe that this year was the first I faced life again with open eyes and heart. I took huge chances, and prevailed through them all.

I am definitely at a crossroads, and as I get glimpses of what is to come, my heart is at ease.

The 27th will be 4 years since my father passed - the hurt and the sorrow are still there. I still have my days, and will always have them. When he first passed, I realized, all those people that say it will get better with time are wrong. Rose Fitgerald Kennedy got it right when she said "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone."

With all the loss and suffering that has occured in my life these past seven years, it's a wonder how I kept my sanity... then again, that may be up to debate ... but for the first time, in a long time, I feel alive and am "back to myself."

Letting go is so refreshing.

To Whom This May Concern:

2008-01-25T09:07:00.000-05:00

Why are Professional Photographers so expensive?

In this digital age where everyone has digital cameras, scanners and home "photo printers", when people upload their photos to a local drug store website and pick them up a few hours later, we hear this all the time - How in the world do Professional Photographers charge $55 for an 8x10 when they cost just $1.50 at the drug store?

Here's why.Simply put, you're not just paying for the actual photograph, you're paying for time and expertise. First, let's look at the actual time involved. If you don't read this entire page, at least read this first part.

For a two hour portrait session:
- one hour of travel to and from the session
- two hours of shooting
- 30 minutes of setup, preparation, talking to the client etc.
- 30 minutes to load the photos onto a computer (2 - 4 Gb of data)
- 30 minutes to back up the files on an external drive
- 3 - 4 hours of Photoshop time including cropping, contrast, color, sharpening, saving a copy for print and a copy for the internet and backing up the edited photographs
- 2 - 3 hours to talk to the client, answer questions, receive their order and payment, order their prints, receive and verify prints, package prints, schedule shipment and drop package off at Fed Ex.
- For local customers, we also print a set of all of their photos, and meet them at our studio to review the photos and place their order. Meeting and travel time averages 2 hours.

You can see how one two hour session easily turns into more than ten hours of work from start to finish. So when you see a Photographer charging a $200 session fee for a two hour photo shoot, you are not paying them $100 / hour.

For an eight hour wedding:
- I won't bore you with the details, but an eight hour wedding typically amounts to at least two to three full 40 hour work weeks worth of time. Again, if they are charging you $4,000 for an eight hour wedding, you are not paying them $500 / hour.

Now for the expertise.

Shooting professional photography is a skill, acquired through years of experience. Even though a quality camera now costs under $2,000 taking professional portraits involves much more than a nice camera.

Most Professional Photographers take years to go from buying their first decent camera to making money with their photography. In addition to learning how to use the camera itself, there is a mountain of other equipment involved, as well as numerous software programs used to edit and print photographs, run a website etc.And let's not forget that you actually have to have people skills, be able to communicate, make people comfortable in front of the camera - and posing people to make them look their best in a photograph is a skill all by itself.

Think of it this way - the next time you pay $X to get your hair done, a pair of scissors only costs $1.50. But you gladly pay a lot more to hire a Professional.

What about the cheap studios at the mall?

Please don't compare us to the chain store studios. But if you must, consider all of the time and work that we put into our photographs, compared to what they do. Good luck getting a two hour photo shoot at a chain store. Not to mention they won't come to the beach! And of course, look at our work compared to theirs. You get what you pay for.The truth is, most of the mall and chain store studios lose money. In fact, in 2007 Wal-Mart closed 500 of their portrait studios because of the financial drain they were putting on the company. What the chain stores bet on is that you'll come in for some quick and cheap photos, and while you're there, you'll also spend $200 on other things. They don't have to make money, they are just there to get you in the door.

Conclusion

We hope that those who have taken the time to read this page will have a better understanding of why professional photographs cost so much more than the ones that you get from your local drug store.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

copied here from : http://www.caughtonfilmphoto.com/costofphotography.html

Can't sleep.... Clowns will eat me!

2008-01-16T11:38:00.000-05:00

"We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."

ditto.

My Life is that of a Duck...

2008-01-03T11:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but this Duck & I seem to live a parallel life...

Happy New Year to you all! I had the pleasure of spending New Year's passed out on Nyquil fighting off a cold in the comforts in my bed in CT. It's always good to be home when you're sick... something about being home with mom and her chicken soup always makes it a little more bareable.

So... I did think of some resolutions in my medicine head cloud:

-spend less... SAVE SAVE SAVE

-pay off debts

-drink less

-work less, relax more

-go out and shoot every wknd for myself

oh, i'm just ducky...

2007-12-19T10:49:00.000-05:00

that'll be me in a few years...

well... it's a cloudy day out here on the island, and i feel cloudy as well... my power steering belt is either loose, or slipped... so, yay for no power steering! and double yay for more money being poured into repairs! (now that i don't have a car payment, the repairs are taking that money i would be saving... joys)

everything else is going swimmingly.

can't wait to go home to CT this saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there's no place like home... there's no place like home... there's no place like home...

What really goes on at the North Pole...

2007-12-18T11:47:00.001-05:00

A play on one of my favorites: Full Metal Jacket... with a X-mas twist.

Parental discretion advised... If you've seen FMJ, you know Gunnery Sgt. Hartman has a mouth on him ;-)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

All I want for Christmas...

2007-12-17T11:43:00.000-05:00

is Dropkick to finalize their St. Patty's day dates :-( ...

e-mail says that they will announce soon. last year i already had my tickets.

hopefully Santa will deliver me a pre-sale date!

love the duck

2007-12-17T08:58:00.000-05:00

viscious circle

2007-12-05T09:33:00.000-05:00

just when things are going good again, something has to happen...

my driver side window has decided to stop working. i rolled it down yesterday evening, and poof! that was it.

sigh...

bringing it into the dealer today, where without a doubt they will probably charge me my life savings.

joy of joys...

Someone's got a case of the Mondays...

2007-12-03T10:35:00.000-05:00

lemmings, sheep, mob mentality, and so on...

2007-11-29T16:06:00.000-05:00

why is it so hard for people to think for themselves? to stand up and go against the crowd?

"Most people would rather be sheep and have company than stand out on their own with antlers on." -Tori Amos

give me my antlers please so i can head butt these ppl off a cliff.

thanks ;-)

i also miss my piano :-(

2007-11-28T11:41:00.000-05:00

thank-you laura, for the new found music :-)

Can take the girl out of the country...

2007-11-28T10:55:00.000-05:00

but can't take the country out of the girl!

no matter how much i love the city, i miss my little Connecticut town out in the boonies...

you must be this tall to ride

2007-11-27T11:10:00.001-05:00

Survey says! I need more sleep.

While doing some research today, I ran across a posting titled "Any Height Issues While Traveling Main Highways?" When first reading this, I thought it was silly to restrict short people from the highway, and the image of those goofy amusement ride height charts popped into my mind. Then I realized that it did not mean the height of the person but the height of the big rigs. Whoops!

Putting in yet another 12+ day today... We'll see how I fare tomorrow...

Side note: found a 1982 penny heads up today as I was leaving for work! Feeling lucky!

Death as a Rebirth

2007-11-26T13:13:00.000-05:00

It’s funny how quickly people come and go from my life… whether it be friends, family, loves, anyone really. They just tend to one day up and disappear from my life as to have never stepped into it. There is nothing that I can think of that I have done to cause this phenomenon; it simply just happens, and has as long as I can remember. One would think that after 20-some odd years of this going on, that one would become callused to it – but I think that it hurts more today than it ever has before…

Some days it feels like if I gain an ounce of happiness or success, something has to come crashing down 2-fold. As of late it seems this feeling happens more often, and the impact of the event is also heightened. It feels as if someone is getting revenge on me for doing something positive for myself. In no way am I looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on by writing this, just merely getting how I feel off my chest and realizing this is a fact of life… a fact of my life and many others, too.

“Ah-ha” moments are great, whether you figure it out on your own, or someone happens to hit you in the forehead and show you how obvious it was. It’s funny how the answer was right there, smack in front of me, screaming it’s lungs off – literally at some points. Something that has been a part of my entire life that I never realized, now is nauseatingly obvious. So, with this new found knowledge, I will use it for the better and think positively and of good luck. For almost 4 years now I’ve been trying to weed out the demons in my life, and I think that I will finally come to that point in the coming weeks.

scrrrd

2007-11-14T11:03:00.000-05:00

nate: what movie did you watch?
lili: grind house, a tarantino flick
nate: scary?
lili: it wasn't kassie scary, more like philitha scary.
nate: so, like a disney flick?
lili: ok, so it was in between kassie and philitha scary.

photo IQ

2007-11-07T13:39:00.000-05:00

i love it when people give misinformation to others and sound like they know what they are talking about and then those taking in the information take it in like gospel.

i don't claim to know everything, and i'll admit it if i don't but never will i publish or preach something unless i know its valid.

oh i love it! good laughs for a hump day! :-D

rainy days and mondays...

2007-11-06T09:53:00.000-05:00

get me down.

yesterday was monday, and today is rainy.

there are other factors too, but i don't feel like getting into them.

meh, whaddya gonna do?

Guiliani, and FDNY? Good to be a Sox fan...

2007-10-26T09:10:00.000-04:00

in NY of all places?

So, in addition to the news that Guiliani is rooting for the Sox this series, I met a former FDNY fireman at Starbucks this morning boasting about the past two games to the baristas. Of course the majority of the people behind the counter were Yanks fans, and was giving it back to him so I felt it was safe to speak up and support his rally cry.

As we both waited for our coffees (which may contain spit instead of whip cream) he was telling me why a NYC born and raised ex-firefighter is a die hard Boston fan. Turns out many years ago in high school, (he kept referring to the 70's and how I wasn't born yet) his baseball coach was a transplant from Boston. He also was telling me that he believes the passing of his former coach was why "the curse" is broken. He died in 2004 coinciding with the playoffs; he said that God couldn't handle his complaining/pleading any more since he was in closer proximity.

Two more, Boys!

Boston, you're the only, only, oooooonly! :-D

sick of my ipod

2007-10-25T14:04:00.000-04:00

well, not the iPod itself but over half the songs that are currently on there... but the catch is, the minute that i remove the songs that i am sick of, i will want to listen to them!

BAH!

"Save the TaTa's"

2007-10-23T09:13:00.001-04:00

This was a bumper sticker that I saw while in traffic on the LIE. Before I realized it was for breast cancer awareness, I didn't know what to really make of it and then I saw the faint pink ribbon in back of the bold black words and chuckled to myself.

Anyway...

Mama Dukes is going into surgery today to get a lump removed. Actually, she's in right now. I talked with her breifly yesterday, and she told me she was nervous. This is something that I have never heard/seen from my mother - she has never showed any 'weakness' voluntarily to me; she always tries to be strong in front of me. It was hard for me to hear this fear from her. It made me want to drive to CT to be with her - I think I may tonight if I don't have to work in the AM. Everything should be fine though, but still I'm nervous.

what the duck

2007-10-19T10:54:00.000-04:00

so, i've recently encountered this comic strip while doing my research here at work and have to say that it definitely is a welcome smile to all the issues that i'm finding. i'm trying to not go to the direct website, and instead wait to bump into this little gem in my travels.

here's one i saw today:

time for an update?

2007-09-14T21:54:00.000-04:00

So, it's been a year since I've blogged. I may be a little rusty, but we'll see.

Oh, a year... and what a year it has been! There have been ups and downs, and then ups and downs again. In a year I've moved to MA, back to CT, and now to NY.

Hallmark was amazing. My nerves from last years post came and went throughout the year. There were times where I wanted to just give up and admit failure, but with the help of the friends that I gained I stuck to it and pulled through. I must admit that Hallmark was one of the best decisions I made in my life. It was something that I needed to finally get over the passing of my father. For three years I felt trapped and didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be, or where I was going. I can't say enough how happy I am that Hallmark found me.

Oh, a year... it was a little over a year ago that I moved into my apt in Greenfield, and now I have moved to a new apt in Greenpoint... I think I have a thing with G's. Until now, I didn't know how special that move to Greenfield really was. It was my first step into my rebirth, and it was the last time I would spend quality one on one time with a dear friend, Kovas. He helped me move into my new home, he reassured me I was making the right decision, and throughout the year would support me when I needed a friendly critique on a shot or just needed a pick me up. Now, as I'm getting settled into another new apt, new home and surroundings; I'm faced with the passing of this friend. I know that he is gone from this world, but he will never be gone from my memory, my heart, or those of his friends and family. He will still be there for me, but now in a different way. I will miss him, but he will never be too far away. Thank-you for the memories, love you always!

The move to New York has been an experience, but all for the good. My first week was a trying one, but I got through - between my Boston decal being taken off my car in less than 24 hrs of being in the city, to getting another parking ticket, to playing the waiting game with various interviews, I came out on top. I have now realized it is ok to be a Boston fan in NY, you just have to choose your battles and now when to keep quiet. I learned how to read the confusing parking signs on my road - I think, it might just be pure luck that I've gotten it right since then. I am working two jobs and love them both. I've been working full time at Canon doing market research, which I find extremely interesting and it is keeping me fresh with my photographic knowledge. I've been working part time with Bath & Body Works because, well, because I'm a workaholic and can't sit still. I have been doing freelance work for clients here and there and try to shoot for myself when time allows. Its been a busy month, but all in all everything is coming together.

Before moving here, I had a lot of skeptics waiting for me to fall flat on my face (as I did when I chose to go to Hallmark). I guess that I can have the last laugh. I am thankful to everyone who had faith in me, stuck by me, and who lent me support to make this transition a successful one. It means the world to me to have the group of friends that I have. The past four years have been crazy to say the least, and I know I wouldn't have made it to where I am without these people.

Oh, a year... hopefully it will not be another til my next post.

butterfiles have flown away!

2006-09-11T20:57:00.000-04:00

reply i rec'd from photographer Matthew Jordan Smith (www.matthewjordansmith.com) one of our guest lecturers during orientation...

Hi Philitha,

Thank you so very much for your email. It warms my heart to know that
I am able to inspire others with my history and knowledge. I wish you the
best and as times get hard continue to remember that the road to success is
paved with hurdles and bumps but it's just part of the journey. I wish you
all the best and thank you for purchasing Sepia Dreams. I hope it gives
you the strength you need from time to time.

Sincerely,
Matthew Jordan Smith

~~~~~~

also, we had documentary photographer Kevin Bubriski to speak and share his work. he as well had incredibly inspiring words and images - as well as an amazing life story. definitely check out his website out www.kevinbubriski.com.

Ahh the joys of going back to school...

2006-08-29T06:53:00.000-04:00

hoorah for the FinAid office... :-
so, is it just me - or all the FinAid offices of every school, college, university, institute, etc. extremely unorganized and have no sense of communication what so ever.

the other day a couple of my fellow hallmark students and i discovered that we would not be getting our "scheduled" living expense disbursements until mid september OR even october 1st!!! so, exactly how am i going to pay rent on sept 1 - on the day that my payment is supposed to be to me already - when they can't even tell me a specific date on when i will rec. my check.

so... i wrote a happy little e-mail to my FinAid advisor letting her know of my angst and she said that "September disbursement is a tricky thing due to different circumstances students are going through." HELLO? you tell me on the 1st my check will be cut for 10 months, this is the first month - GIVE ME MY MONEY FOO! (i will be able to get my check between 12 pm and 5 pm on friday afternoon if i would like to pick it up... durrrrr...)

oh how fun this all is!!!

woot woot

Hakuna Matata?

2006-08-28T10:05:00.000-04:00

GAH!
So... the butterflies have finally arrived! I'm getting extremely nervous about starting classes. I know that everything will go smoothly and I will have a wonderful year - I can just feel it - but those pesky little nerves and my little Jiminy Cricket is not supporting me as well as he should be. I think it is because I'm so close to my crossroads right now - it is my last week of working fulltime, it is my last week of living in Granby, it is my last week before the madness of photography bootcamp starts. All summer it didn't affect me at all (except for the whole waiting for acceptance and waiting for the monstrous loan to go through) and I thought I would be cool through it all, but now that it is HERE freak out mode is in full effect. I'm sure that many other students are going through the same thing. I just need to stay focused and live for my dream. I know that I have all the support necessary to get through it all - ALL of my friends and family have been super through the whole process and I can't thank them enough - and I know that so far the people that I have met through Hallmark (both alumni and up-coming students) will be that extra support that will guide me through.
Me thinks that I will visit my father today (if the rain holds up) and get that extra guidance that I need right now.
So - all ya'll, keep your fingers crossed from now until June. (Sorry if they get a little cramped over the next 10 months.)

the truth about blogging...

2006-08-28T06:56:00.000-04:00

so sorry that i haven't blogged in what seems to be ages. i have posted a couple blogs on the infamous myspace - but haven't visited here in awhile. i am really not sure why i haven't but think that it's due to the 'addiction' that has formed between myspace and myself. i have finally admitted to step one: "We admitted we were powerless over myspace —that our lives had become unmanageable." i never thought that i would become one of them, but it is too late - it has totally consumed me. i am hoping and praying that with the start of classes, my need to fill my boredom will not be taken up by this evil that is myspace. sadly, i have also become addicted to the surveys that people post as bulletins and sometimes as blogs. this too, i have to ween myself off of. wish me luck... on to step two: "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

Bors, Philip (friend's grandfather)

2006-04-25T14:27:00.000-04:00

Korean War Section of Town Veterans Wall

2006-04-25T14:25:00.000-04:00

Stemplys, Joseph A. (my father)

2006-04-25T14:24:00.000-04:00

2006-04-25T14:22:00.000-04:00

2006-02-22T12:04:00.000-05:00

Lola

2006-02-22T11:53:00.001-05:00

School Days

2006-02-22T11:53:00.000-05:00

Mom and Dad

2006-02-22T11:50:00.000-05:00

Always a flower girl ...

2006-02-22T11:49:00.001-05:00

Mociute & Senelis

2006-02-22T11:49:00.000-05:00

Family Pic

2006-02-22T11:47:00.000-05:00

Grilling

Happy 26th!

2006-02-16T13:41:00.000-05:00

Vasario 16ta 1980

yes, i'm blogging today

2006-02-10T15:23:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't really blog blogged in a long while and basically it's because I've been a lazy bum about the whole thing. Come to think of it I haven't even written in my dream journal - yes, an actual physical journal with paper pages that you use a pen or pencil, whatever your preference, to write in; ppl still do do that. And, I've been having some pretty peculiar dreams lately that I really should have jotted down, but eh, what are ya gonna do about it?

Well, it's been a month and ten days in this new year and it really has been a boring one with minor setbacks but when good things have come, they have been totally amazing.

So, let us see... To start with, I absolutely love my job. I started there about four months ago and it has been nothing but amazing. Sure, I have a stressing day here and there, but overall I couldn't be happier. I get along with the majority of my coworkers, but what I'm most thankful for are my relationships with my supervisors (both direct and indirect of my position). I'm very tight with one in particular and I will be accompanying her to Boston next week for business trip #2! We plan to spend our non-working hours out on the town and shopping in Copley! Oh, how I love it! :-D And, with my newly gained raise I will be able to afford all the high-priced items there. lol. Yes, I know, I should be paying off ALL my debt but c'mon guys, it's Copley! :-D smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! So, I'm looking very fwd to be going there next week especially with the consolidation coming up it will be nice to see what will be coming to our office. YAY for worky!

More often than usual, I've been having "blasts from the pasts," all of which have been long overdue. I have reconnected with friends in town, from Neringa, and family as well. I love that these people are back in my life and hope that we don't lose touch in the future. None of these connections "ended" badly in the past, it was just the motions of everyday life that drifted us apart.

I'm also happy to say that my mother has finally gone "home" to the Philippines for a month long vacation. She recently took an early retirement and is living it up quite nicely. From our brief phone conversations she sounds the happiest I've heard in a long time. I'm glad that she took this huge step to go back to her home and see all her sisters, brothers, friends and more, but esp. her mother, my grandma. :-) It was sad to hear that my grandma didn't recognize her when she first saw her, but when she did I'm told it was a moment like out of a movie. I hope the rest of her month goes just as well as this first week, and hope she comes back, lol. Before she left I gave her a rose quartz heart for her to keep with her during her trip to keep her heart and emotions strong. I've been wearing my rose quartz pendant since the day she left so we can be connected to each other and I won't take it off for anything. I miss her a lot though. There has been some times, just in this past week, that I really needed her to be here for me but I got through them. Maybe not in the most appropriate manners, but got through them. Honestly, there is still a couple things that are weighing on me where I need her motherly advice, but I know that I will get through it and I have plenty of family here in CT that I can turn to, as well as a cousin in Erie that has been hearing my angst of the past wknd. :-D THANK YOU!

Well, I think that I have blogged enough for today. Happy blogging to all and to all a HAPPY FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAY!

text msg convo

2005-12-28T12:28:00.000-05:00

me: i just caught my dog eating a crayon
andrew: YUM
me: i like the blue ones best
andrew: I like forest green myself
me: ooh! me too!
andrew: lol
me: yeah, my mother always told me to eat my greens, but i don't think that's what she quite meant.
andrew: lmao

xmas card from my little cousin

2005-12-19T13:48:00.000-05:00

Dear unti conchita, RaMon, FellePa,

We Wish You a merry-chRistmas in a happy new year. We have thiS holiday to selebRate something that is veRy sPeChial JeaSUSes birthdAY.

LoVe, soFia

silly puppy

2005-12-19T13:46:00.000-05:00

i bought my dog a bed for xmas and gave it to him today. i planned on getting him this ever since we re-did the house and did away with the pieces of furnitures that he claimed as his. he has been rather upset that he is now gated out of the living room and being reprimanded for trying to sleep on the leather sofa in a little sitting area of our dining room. well, i brought the bed in and put his little blanket on it to make him know that it's ok for him to lay on it, but that didn't work. it took much coaxing to get him to sit on it and when he finally did he was still unsure that he was actually able to sit there since the bed is so big, fluffy, and new. now, when i walk out of my room he scamperes into the kitchen looking guilty and quickly sits on the doormat where we put our snowy shoes... lol. poor puppy. hopefully when my mom gets home and tells him he can sleep there he'll be less antsy.

too lazy to blog

2005-10-27T11:26:00.000-04:00

so... i've been much to 'busy' to catch up on my blogging... so i'm linking you all to the rest of the wedding wknd... my thought is, "ramune allready typed it up, i'll just give her the credit and save my typing energy for other goodies."

aciu ramune!

October 1st Wknd

2005-10-12T20:15:00.000-04:00

Rewind! :-)

On Friday, September 30th, I met Vaiva and Ramune for breakfast at Friendly's. They were on their way up to our friend Kristina's wedding and on passing my exit on the hwy decided to stop. So, during the course of breakfast we were discussing the wedding and why I couldn't make it and decided that whatever I was doing this wknd wasn't important and to drop everything and go up to NH with them. And so I did...

After breakfast I quickly packed an overnight bag and we were on our way! Ramune had decided to take the scenic route up to NH, so we ended up stopping at Neringa and walking around for a bit. Since the route was soooo scenic, Vaiva was our photographer and was shooting random pictures as we passed them in the car. There were many pictures of red trees, as well as attempted shots of moose-crossing signs.

So many hours in the car go by, and we arrive to our destination in NH of the Purity Spring resort. Tired and wiped out, we had to go straight to the 'beach' to practice a Lithuanian dance Kristina had asked us to do for her - and happily we did. We practiced until the sun went down, and headed to the tavern for finger foods, drinks, and more merriment. While there, more guests arrived - including Gina, Gilija, Danute, and her b/f Joby. After the tavern, many people went to an after party at the groom's (Efrain's) cottage/condo, but Vaiva, Ramune and I opted for sleep.

Early the next morning, we are awaken by a very chipper bride so we can go practice some more and have breakfast as well. Apparently, Gina - who was also to be at the 7:30 AM practice, only went to bed from the after party about an hour before and was still tipsy for our practice at the beach. After a couple quick run throughs we called it quits, since the hairdresser had arrived for the bride and her attendants. Ramune, Vaiva, Gina and I decided to head into town to grab gas, cards. It was a lovely, scenic 30 minute drive to the nearest town - again, many pictures were taken. So, on our journey to find a store that carried cards we saw a store called 'Super Shoes,' remembering that earlier that week Rasyte had raved about 'Super Shoes,' I told my companions about her remarks, and Ramune pulled in. About a half hour to hour later, Vaiva, Ramune and I left the store having all bought the same pair of Columbia snow boots with matching green trekking socks.

Next... the wedding, reception, and ride home...

Walk-A-Thon 2005

2005-10-11T17:12:00.000-04:00

neringieciai + rain = craziness, is all i can say.

check out dario pictures and pics at i sveikata. i should have pics up eventually - i brought the 35mm... so we have to wait til i actually develop them. they are mostly pics of the 'fort' being built at 6tas - but should be good none the less!

but i don't want to

2005-10-05T09:51:00.000-04:00

sometimes i feel like blogging but am too tired to type. yes, yes, it's only 10 am, but it's past my bedtime.

well - short version... kidnapped and brought to nh on fri, wedding in nh sat, ride home sun, work mon, work tues, BIRTHDAY TODAY! :-)

sleep time. BAH!!!!!!!!

will blog when i'm actually awake.

gone like the wind

2005-09-28T22:25:00.000-04:00

she came and then went. rasyte came to visit today! yippe! she and len only stayed for dinner, drinks and directions but it was quality time none the less. hopefully we will be getting together on friday as well.

aww, i just love that girl and miss her too! yay for rasa! :-)

Just got free coffee and

2005-09-26T23:35:00.000-04:00

Just got free coffee and muffin at Dunkin Donuts because im a "very pretty girl"

week 3

2005-09-26T21:56:00.000-04:00

i made it to week 3 of my new job! :-) yippee! we are now training for our positions - so about 5 hours of classroom work and then 3 of on the job training. one of the women who we thought quit after a week and a half came back lastnight/this morning. apparently, she had hurt her back and took some comp days to get better. oh well, happy to have her back :-)

the best part of this week is that the 30th is on friday and i get my first pay check! :-D woo-hoo! this one will be a goody since it's all 3 weeks that i've been there. i'm going to hate getting paid the 15th & 30th again, but at least i'm making more $$ :-) buh-bye creditors!

Nothing like a glass of

2005-09-23T09:59:00.000-04:00

Nothing like a glass of wine before you go to bed at 10:00 AM!

week two of my new

2005-09-20T23:47:00.000-04:00

week two of my new job at the federal reserve and two of the three girls i started with are no more! Im the last one standing. Wish me luck!

gimme that picture phone!

2005-09-19T18:10:00.000-04:00

traded in my cell for a new one - got it for free! :-) gotta love it. sadly, it is a picture phone and i have fallen into it's evil grips.

mothers are strange

2005-09-12T18:50:00.000-04:00

apparently last night my mother, uncle and aunt went furniture shopping and bought a dining room set for my house - this i wasn't aware of. so, i'm sitting here on the phone tonight and see my uncle's truck pull in with a dining room set in the back of his truck, and thought nothing of it. well, i finish my phone conversation and walk into the the dining room to see my brother and uncle asslembling the set. so, my mother asks me what i think of the set, and i simply say that i don't like the chairs. after my comment is made, my brother and uncle look at me, look back at the table, took it back down and out to the truck. so then my mom was like "it's ok, i was going to get a different set anyway?" ... all i could think is, if you were going to get a different set anyway, why buy that one? and now she's telling me that i have to buy the new dining set if i'm going to be that picky. meh, who knows?

it's good to know that my mom isn't the only one who does strange things... Bye bye shoes

why do stars twinkle?

2005-09-09T00:34:00.000-04:00

courtesy of our friends at NASA:

"On a clear, dark night, our eyes can see about 6,000 or so stars in the sky. They seem to twinkle, or change their brightness, all the time. In fact, most of the stars are shining with a steady light. The movement of air (sometimes called turbulence) in the atmosphere of Earth causes the starlight to get slightly bent as it travels from the distant star through the atmosphere down to us on the ground. This means that some of the light reaches us directly and some gets bent slightly away. To our eyes, this makes the star seem to twinkle.
You will notice that stars closer to the horizon will appear to twinkle more than other stars. This is because there is a lot more atmosphere between you and a star near the horizon than between you and a star higher in the sky."

thanks for a great night.

2005-09-05T23:43:00.000-04:00

Apparently the parking lot was more comfortable

2005-09-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

"As turiu bamba!"

2005-09-05T23:36:00.000-04:00

Laura, Lindz and Ieva

2005-09-05T23:35:00.000-04:00

Peter needed a little extra support

2005-09-05T23:33:00.000-04:00

Mr & Mrs Novicki after the Reception

2005-09-05T23:32:00.000-04:00

After wedding fun

2005-09-05T23:27:00.000-04:00

Jer & Mar

2005-09-05T23:26:00.000-04:00

Peter, Mary and I

2005-09-05T23:25:00.000-04:00

the cutest flower girl ever!

2005-09-05T23:22:00.000-04:00

Peter's side job

2005-09-05T23:21:00.000-04:00

Pat and I

2005-08-31T00:35:00.000-04:00

She was not looking forward to another 12 hr car ride

2005-08-31T00:33:00.000-04:00

It's all fun and games until someone takes out the dip

2005-08-31T00:30:00.000-04:00

The Sand Box Pimp himself

2005-08-31T00:29:00.000-04:00

Lori's special drink

2005-08-31T00:27:00.000-04:00

Xman with his Daddy at the ba'

2005-08-31T00:25:00.000-04:00

Xman was 'woofing' at the tigers... he thought they were dogs

2005-08-31T00:22:00.000-04:00

my goddaughter loves snoopy as much as i do. guess who gave her the one she's holding? ;-)

2005-08-31T00:20:00.000-04:00

my goddaughter's 1st carosel ride :-)

2005-08-31T00:16:00.000-04:00

this albino jumped out of the water after my flash went off

2005-08-31T00:14:00.000-04:00

there were two reported shark attacks in myrtle the week i was there

2005-08-31T00:12:00.000-04:00

my friend, the sea turtle

2005-08-31T00:11:00.000-04:00

this one, i'm told, is a man-eater

2005-08-31T00:09:00.000-04:00